So, I just realized that it has been months since I last posted. Here are the things that have happened since November:
- We bought a house.
- The love of my life got a new job.
- I started an Anusara yoga immersion, chock-full of insights into my practice.
- I found a Dream Job, at an excellent school in San Francisco. I'm excited about the new school, but sad to be leaving the old one, particularly about leaving my advisees.
- I went on a weekend-long retreat for teens as an adult helper.
All this busy-ness has been good in some ways. The teen retreat in particular gave me time to reflect on the many changes that have recently taken place.
The house is great. The man's new job is OK, though it takes him away from home for 3 days every week right now, which leaves me feeling somewhat unmoored; on the other had, I do get to do things like spend an evening at Spirit Rock, like I did last night. That's a good thing. About the immersion: I'm psyched to be working on my yoga practice in a new, deeper way. In many ways, deepening my yoga and meditation practices couldn't have happened at a better moment.
A story from my practice: three weeks ago, the night before a day-long interview at the Dream School, my teacher asked me to demo a handstand assist. I have a long and painful history with adho mukha vrksasana -- despite my ecstatic moments with it last fall, I have deep mistrust of my body's ability to hold itself up. And fear of falling/failing, of course. I initially balked at demoing the pose. I've done a couple of demos in class before, but never a pose I've had such a hard time with. But some voice in me said to just get out there & do it. So I told her I'd give it a try. And I felt strong and supported and safe and all those good things that come from practicing in a warm, wonderful space, with a wonderful teacher. I took from that class a sense of confidence and awe that I then carried into my interview; I don't think I would have felt so confident and open during the interview if I hadn't had to push myself beyond my yogic edge that night.
I tell that story because my teacher told it to the class tonight (I was both honored and embarrassed), in the context of a lesson on stepping into life with your practice in your heart. Not necessarily written on your sleeve, though my yoga practice is known to anyone who speaks with me for more than 30 minutes. But living from the heart, and generating all of your actions from the heart, is living your yoga -- carrying the practice off the mat.
My feelings about having stepped into that pose in front of a room of people reminded me of what I think is most important about developing as a teacher and as a human being: there is never a perfect pose; there is only true, genuine, honest intention. Everything we do can be done better, but should be done with honesty. That's another post..