Thursday, January 12, 2012


Just over a year ago.

Nick and Dash turn one today.

I can't say that I've accomplished anything more difficult or more rewarding in my life than year one with twins. Mostly difficult. The rewards, I hear, come later. Right now they come in fragments, like when they're having fun at the park, or when the two of them play almost together as I make dinner. Or when we're all snuggling close, I and my boys, nursing before bedtime—the only time of day when I even attempt to tandem nurse them anymore.

We have all learned so much in this longest and shortest year. I have learned more this year about flexibility, adjustment, and improvisation than I thought I could ever learn. I've learned to value routines and schedules and to try to go with the flow when things are crazy.

I've learned that tenacity is good. Those first three months of relentless pumping and nursing and trying over and over again to get it right were so worth it. I'm proud of the work I have done. Breastfeeding twins has been the hardest part of the journey—or maybe the second-hardest. The tag-team wakeups from 1 to 4 a.m. might be the hardest thing.

I've learned that children are amazingly capable creatures. I've learned that babies can feed themselves and love eating. I've learned to wait and watch instead of urging and pushing. Given a chance to explore what they want to explore, Nick and Dash do what suits them best: collaborating, digging and climbing, toddling and observing, wanting to get picked up and wanting to slide down. They understand more than you'd think (like what "bath time" means), and they love to have fun.

I've learned to watch them learn. What a treasure that lesson has been.

So much bigger now!

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